When did men stop pursuing?
Maybe I grew up in an old-school mentality. My father raised me to believe that women were a precious jewel to be treasured. He told/tells me that a man will see your worth and fight for you. This is coming from a man who pursued my mom until she couldn’t say no, and 35 years later they are still in love. I want the secret to their success.
So what happened to this persistent pursuit? Ephesians 5:25 says that a husband is suppose to love his wife the way Christ loves the church. To fully understand this I think we have to understand the way He loves the church. Christ loves the church in a relentless, unconditional loving quest. He doesn’t receive our love and then stop pursing. My God pursues me DAILY. He didn’t quit once I entrusted my heart to Him. He forgives me when I repent. He loves me in spite of me. On top of all of this, He laid down His life for me. Talk about literally giving your life for another. That’s a pretty big deal. I believe it takes a God fearing, courageous, brave man to put his emotions on the line to pursue a woman of value. I have had multiple men chase me diligently, tell me all the “right” things that I want to hear, feed me promises of unrestricted pursuit, only to literally fall off the face of my world without even a 2 week notice. So why?
One answer: The female race. We don’t make men work. Why do I think men have stopped pursuing women? Because we have let them. This might not sit well with some women but I am willing to take the criticism, here it goes. Women have been put on a pedestal for a long time. We were a gift from God to Adam. So why now do we not get treated as much? Well maybe since we placed ourselves in the same category as men. We aren’t letting men do their “jobs” because we have decided to take them over. We have become the heads of the households, we have told men to, contrary to the Bible, to submit to us. We have places ourselves as leaders and in charge. We have let men use us for sexual satisfaction. We have given into temporary gratifications of emotional affirmation, only to verify that it was a fleeting feeling. We don’t let men chase us anymore because we are too busy chasing them. We have dropped our standards in men so we can settle on the feeling of being accepted by someone, quite frankly, anyone.
Lets not beat around the bush here, this has been going on since the beginning of mankind, literally. In Genesis 2:21 God put Adam to sleep to take a rib from the man, in 22 it says “Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib and HE BROUGHT HER TO THE MAN.” But verse 23 has to be my favorite, “AT LAST” the man exclaimed. God listened to what Adam ached for, a companion. Women were literally created to be mans other half. But check this out. Eve wasn’t even AROUND when God warned Adam about eating of the fruit. It was in verse 16 that He warned he could eat of any tree, EXCEPT the tree of knowledge. Sure, Eve was the first one to take the bite BUT Adam was the one who was warned, he was the one who was suppose to lead Eve in not doing this. Not only was he the one warned, but in Genesis 3:6 when Eve did eat of the fruit it says “She took the fruit and ate it. THEN she gave some to her husband, WHO WAS WITH HER” bomb, dropped. Adams job as a man was to stand up to his woman and tell her NO. To lead her in the way God was leading him. This is how mankind was established; God was leading Adam, and Adam was to then turn and lead Eve. Instead we messed it up right away. Eve starting making decisions that should have been Adam’s, and he was letting her.
So how do we reverse the roles once again?
Men, prepare your heart. Be the God fearing man God has called you to be. You are not able to lead a woman closer to Christ if you aren’t established yourself. Ask God to reveal where you are lacking in your life so He can help grow you into the man you are meant to be. Set standards in dating before you pursue a woman. Know the standards you have set for the woman you want to pursue. When you narrow your focus on a woman who stands out to you, slowly but intentionally make her feel safe, secure, and pursued. Learn what her desires are, what she thinks is romantic. If its flowers, give her flowers. If its quality time, give her quality time. If its reassurance, giver her reassurance. I promise, we are easier to please then we like to come off as being when a man is genuinely trying. Be content with her. Don’t take a good woman for granted. There will always be someone prettier, smarter, nicer, more laid back, funnier, whatever it may be, but there won’t be another her or what you have. Christ will provide the woman you need in your life, treat her as the blessing she is. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side, the grass is greener when its cover in fertilizer (soak that one in) Appreciate her support, her love, her thoughtfulness, her patience and her encouragement. Loyalty is rare, hold onto it. Believe and protect her. Women want to feel secure in the relationship. Make your intentions clear. Be her consistent in an ever-changing world. Treat her with the same worth Christ sees in her and she will return that with love and respect. Love isn’t a feeling, it’s a choice. Make the decision everyday to love with all you have. Don’t be scared, for perfect love casts out fear. Most importantly, STAND UP. I promise what a God fearing woman wants, is a yearning for a man to stand up and lead her. The worst thing a man can be in the eyes of a Proverbs 31 woman is a coward, and we find too many now days. Don’t run from hard work because I promise it won’t always be easy, love is not for the weak. The right woman will want you to be brave and courageous, to fight the fight and finish the race.
Women, guard your heart. When two souls are colliding and you are hearing everything you’ve always wanted to hear from a man to feel love, appreciated and accepted it is easy to fall into the trap of temptation, so set limitations. Beware of “Wolves in Sheeps clothing” (Matthew 7:15) One of my exes literally admitted to playing “the Jesus card” on me, to pretend He had a deeper relationship with God to woo me. Examine his intentions. Stop blaming a good man in your life for things that men in the past have done to you. Not all men are the same, and God is molding a man for you. Forgive when he asks for forgiveness, as we have been forgiven, that means not bringing it up again.. I know this is hard but don’t just forgive, forget. Stop competing with the man. We were made for different purposes, with different roles. Embrace being a woman and appreciate him being a bold, courageous man. Refuse to dishonor or degrade him. Men need to feel respected. Encourage him in his dreams, in his decisions. Challenge him to be a better man. Make him feel appreciated and cherished. Don’t overthink, let God’s will be done. Stop using mind games and manipulation to make him do things from you. When a man is in love, and if he is a godly man, He will show you love with an overflow of the heart, not a guilt trip. Stop expecting a perfect man, he may be courageous, strong, and fearless, but he is still just a man. Stop looking to him to make you happy. The only one who can fulfill your needs is Christ. A relationship is not a fairy tale you’ve always been told it will be. Your man will annoy you and on certain days drive you absolutely crazy but you must place your joy and identity in Christ and you will never be broken. Last but not least, let him be the leader he was designed to be. I know this may be hard as in many cases we have had to take over a mans role simply because we are used to men not stepping up to do it, but in order for that role to reverse again we must take a stand and let men be men again.
Remember we weren’t meant to be alone. God made Eve from Adam. Two are better than one, but more importantly, three is the best of all, for then it can not be broken. Place him at the center and no man can separate it.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ephesians 4:9-12
Until God provides the one for you, be ok with being single. This just means God wants to keep you to Himself a little bit longer!