My verdict: Not Guilty.

So many times I underestimate the power of Satan and his demons. To say I have been under “attack” lately would be a major understatement. Nothing seems to be going my way. I have been under this microscope for so many people who want to talk about the negative things in my life. I am not blaming any others; I am merely blaming the one who has control over this world. He thrives off of this, pushing me, pushing Christians to the lowest of lows. To feel ashamed, to feel unworthy of Saviors grace.

There are many different ways we can let him get to us. The worst one for me is the long-standing hypocrisy. I can honestly say that I feel like I am running after God at a rate I never have before. This makes me want to share the gospel, to tell others about what He is doing in my life, to boast in His strength He is living out in me. Yet the battle only begins there.  This is when the combat fires up. The flesh strikes back.  When I am most fired up in Christ, the devil is lighting the most fire under my feet. Sure, there have been times it was easier for me. Like when I sat back and lived the mundane Christian lifestyle. I believed. I was saved. I went to church on Sunday. I even picked up my Bible every now and then. I prayed when I was hurting. I prayed when I was bored. I even prayed when someone else needed help. Satan had one upped me. See this is the exact time of Christian he desires us to be. He knows he won’t win every soul, every battle. So he was content in letting me sit behind the scenes and let life pass me by. This is exactly the kind of soul he was willing to lose, because I was just one, affecting only myself.

Then the Holy Spirit got a hold of me, and I fell hard. It wasn’t love at first sight, it was a process. He has come in and started to take over every aspect of my life.  This wasn’t by anything I had done. No, this was by GRACE and love alone. I was tired, I was weary and I wanted to surrender. Little did I know, that comes with a war. Because I chose to take a stance for Christ I am tempted, ridiculed, critiqued, and sought after daily. Fleshly desires, worldly cravings, appealing lies creep into my mind. Satan now is ready to put up a fight. This is the Christian lifestyle he despises. This is whom he fights. The problem is, I don’t win every confrontation.  No there are so many times I fail. Time and time again. I let myself pick up the sword, instead of standing behind the shield Christ has held up for me. Satan wins, again and again. I let my desires and weaknesses take over. This makes me an easy target. This magnifies my shortcomings. I am claiming to strive to be like Christ, yet I fall short. This makes me a hypocrite. This allows others to look at me to justify their own sin. Sometimes, we become Satan for each other.  We bring up old sins and hold them against each other.  We bring accusations against those who are no longer accountable for their crimes. I think it’s important that we try to become more like God in learning to forgive and forget.  If God forgets our sins, we should forget the sins that others commit.  We should not allow ourselves to become “personal Satans” for those who are covered in Christ’s blood. What I want to tell you right now is I pray so humbly that no one looks to me. I pray no one sees me as good. I pray no one wants to be like me, because I am a dirty, nasty sinner. Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinnersof whom I am the worstBut for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen” 1 Timothy 1:15-17

This is one of my favorite verses. I pray that no one looks to me as an example of who I am, but as an example of what Christ can do through unjustified sinners.

One of Satan’s favorite weapons is condemnation and accusation (Revelation 12:10). To remind us that we aren’t good enough to receive Christ blessings. He is seen as a sort of evil prosecutor who brings railing accusations against us, but Christ as our defense attorney steps in and pleads our case Isn’t’ that just it!! Here is Paul, a previous killer of Christians, who surely fought with guilt daily, but knew that he was one of the reasons Christ came to die. For him and his dirty, filthy mistakes and because of that he would ALWAYS be covered by grace.

That is why I want to embrace my weakness so that no one can look to me as the example. I don’t want to hide my past, present or future mistakes. Satan can keep throwing them in my face because at the end of the day I can look to him and say, HIS GRACE REALLY IS SUFFICENT. His mercy shines through our darkness. The dirtier the stain, the more mercy He shines upon us. He can clean up any mess. In those moments, He is most glorified. Satan wants us to be ashamed, to feel guilty as if we aren’t good enough to keep talking about Christ, to keep claiming His name. He will put people in your life that want to keep bringing up your past, your faults. He will test your loyalty to Gods mercy.

I don’t follow Christ because it is a “feel-good” religion. To be honest, its not. The easiest way to live in this world is to be like the world. To strive for fame, attention, lust and greed. To follow Satan’s charm & charisma. I follow Christ because this world & myself will never be enough. Many times I try, but miss. I am off target. I fail miserably over and over. God doesn’t have a double jeopardy in his court system. Our sins have been forgiven. Christ won the case for us. We can’t be convicted of the same crime. Our only judge has sentenced me to eternal life.

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About bethalma

I love Christ. He made me, he gets all of me. I love sports, cupcakes and water.. Love to laugh, it's my favorite things ever. If you're interested come see what I have to say :)
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2 Responses to My verdict: Not Guilty.

  1. Anna Koistinen says:

    This is so amazing. I am so glad to have someone write your feelings like you do, because I can relate to them so much. It really is when we step out of our comfort zone and stand up for our beliefs that we are attacked. For me, it’s just focusing on accepting the challenge of loving our attackers, the ones who treat us the worst! Because that’s what Christ did for us. It’s cool how you will understand God’s love for you, even more, when you try to love others like he loves us. It’s impossible. It’s truly mind-boggling!

  2. Diana Bredenberg says:

    Thank you for your transparency and love for Christ. May He use you mightily in His Strength.

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